Hikari no Go
by HitomiFeito
Summary: Hikari was a child on the verge of self-destruction, barely able to keep herself from drowning under her struggles, but then, when a go-playing ghost from the Heian period comes to visit, she feels a little lighter. Fem!Hikaru. I DON'T OWN HIKARU NO GO.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I want to say this right here right now, so that I don't have to say it in future chapters: I DON'T OWN HIKARU NO GO! Never have, never will. But I do so thoroughly enjoy it :) **

Prologue

Hikari never liked the white walls that she woke up to nearly every day of her life so she painted drawings and images of the sun, of the sea, the earth. Plants, flowers and animals- anything her mind imagined and everything she craved for.

The ladies in blue and men in white didn't like her 're-decoration' very much but let it slide.

Hikari didn't like the way her face was pale and her hair so dark- it made her look like a ghost, so she asked Akari to get her some blonde dye and dyed her fringe blonde- that way, no-one would have to look at her with pity because they'd be blinded by her bi-coloured her, they would never notice the strange dull coloured skin of hers because her hair would be bright enough to take off some of the off-white colour off her face.

Her parents sure didn't like it , but they couldn't say anything about it now could they?

Hikari didn't like hearing the beeping beside the hard bed she lay in, it kept beeping morning, afternoon and night. And it never just- ENDED!

But she couldn't do anything about it, it was attached to her.

Hikari didn't like many things about her life, but she guessed, she was probably lucky to be alive at all.

"Hikari" a voice whispered, old and strained.

"Grandpa?" she said weakly, and oh how she hated the sound of her voice. It felt scratchy and feeble. She wanted to shout to scream! To show the world she wasn't fragile. She wanted to run and play and be _normal_. Not this.

She never wanted this.

She never wanted to be lying on a hospital bed for the rest of her life.

"Kari?" her grandad repeated smiling slightly "I brought you a game, it's Go"

"Go?" she asked

"Yeah"" Heihachi nodded enthusiastically, "it's a game I played when I was younger and still play now. Did you know? you're ol' granddad here was an amateur Go champion!" he said proudly.

Hikari smiled shakily "no I didn't"

Hikari didn't like the pity that shone from her grandad's eyes, she knew it was because he cared, but she didn't like it.

"I got this old thing from the storehouse, I forgot about it until now" he showed a somewhat large square box thing made of wood with criss-crossed lines etched and painted on top of it. Hikari narrowed her eyes seeing the spot on the corner that looked a little bit like dried blood.

"_Can you see it?" _

Hikari looked around searching for the invisible voice.

"_You can see it! Thank you kami-sama!" _

Heihachi looked worriedly at his granddaughter's panicking movements as he heard the heart monitor beep faster and faster and faster, until…

Heihachi's eyes widened and he screamed- _he can't lose her_! _Not again_!"NURSE! DOCTOR! SOMEONE!" he cried, and he was crying. His eyes were spilling with tears and he was too scared to stop "SOMEONE! PLEASE! ANYONE!" he cried louder as he heard footsteps rushing through.

The nurses took away the hysterical elderly as the doctor pushed the patient's bed to the ER.

"Heihachi- san, please you have to tell us what happened" Hikari's nurse told the distraught man. The nurse, Kaoru, had been assigned to Hikari since she was a baby, she had dealt with all the trouble the girl had. And dear Lord, she had so many that Kaoru often wondered if she could last till adulthood. Kaoru knew that the hope was small, but many in the hospital wished it would come true; Hikaru was a little bundle of energy, no matter how troublemaking and cheeky she was, she was adored by fellow patients and hospital staff for her bright nature that attracted and touched the heart of everyone she met.

"I-I don't know" he croaked "I was showing her the Go board, a-and then, she was panicking! And the monitor! It was beeping so loud! A-and I, I just heard it going faster and faster, and Hikari was- Hikari wasn't breathing, and it stopped. The beeping stopped and I yelled for help" he cried "Kaoru-san please" he begged "please say she'll be alright"

Kaoru gave a grim smile that she knew would bring no comfort to the poor elderly, and before she could stop herself, empty words spoke out from her lips "she'll be fine Heihachi-san". Kaoru couldn't help the lie, she wanted to scratch out her esophagus for telling a lie to a desperate man, but she couldn't say what she truly thought, because if she did, then it would come true. And sweet loving Christ! She didn't want it to come true!

"She'll be just fine"

**A/N Okay so my first HnG fic, but I wanted to write one, for now I don't know where it's going so it'll be slow updates between random periods of time but I hope you like it. Also, I'm afraid I don't know much about Go in general even if I have watched all the episodes and read most of the HnG fanfic here, so I'l be focusing mostly on the feelings of the individual characters and alluding to the game rather than say anything to specific. I'll probably be BS-ing my way through any of the battles so please don't take offense, I'm barely an amateur, I don't know much about it but I loved the plot-line and story and the tension in the anime... Hope you like it :) **

**Hitomi Feito~**


	2. Sinking

Chapter 1

A young girl with bleached blonde bangs concentrated her focus on the piece of paper in front of her. She would get it, the girl decided. That scholarship would be hers!

"So how'd it go?" her grandfather looked at her beaming but the girl could only sigh tucking a stray hair behind her ear "same old same old" she admitted "I'm confident in some areas but I swear I failed in Maths" the girl pouted "I don't like Maths"

Her grandfather laughed "of course you don't, same thing my son always said!"

"As long as you excelled in certain areas you'll get the scholarship sweetie don't worry" her grandmother consoled glaring at her long time husband.

"I know" the girl sighed "but since getting a soccer scholarship is worthless considering, I have to get an academic scholarship" she groaned

"Granddad" the young girl asked "can we play Go?"

"Sorry dear" he apologized "but I have to attend the Neighbourhood Council today, I'm sick and tired of hooligans messing around our sacred shrine, it doesn't look good for the neighbourhood and certainly not for them" he ranted.

"It's alright; I'll visit a salon in town"

The elderly couple looked over to her worried "are you sure? Are you alright walking that far?"

The girl waved their concerns offhandedly "I haven't had an attack in two years, I'll be fine" she assured and went off by herself.

"Hikari" a voice reprimanded "that was very rude" it belonged to translucent pale figure of a man with lavender hair and grey eyes and effeminate features that would surely pass as androgynous.

Hikari rolled her eyes "Give me a break Sai" the girl stretched sorting out the kinks in her neck "I was in that room for hours! I felt like I was back at the hospital!" she whined.

Sai flinched slightly "but Hikari!" he whined "you must always present yourself favourably with manners and etiquette!" he scolded lightly.

"I will Sai" she told him gently "but they're my grandparents and I know they worry, but they have to learn to trust me sometime okay? This is like a test run you know"

Sai pouted "I knew I should've never taught you logical debates"

"But you said I had to be taught more political ways of disagreeing with others! Isn't it much better than shouting at you Sai?" a sweet smile was present upon her lips as she leered at her companion.

Sai harrumphed and turned up his nose "hmph!"

Hikari laughed fondly.

"Here's one" she said at last looking a the sign 'the Go salon' "how creative" she muttered dryly and Sai nodded beside her.

"Hello" the lady at the desk said "is it your first time here?"

Hikari nodded distractedly "Yes ma'am, do you know if there is anyone my age here?" she asked

The woman pondered "well… Akira-kun is here today but I'm not sure you're ready to play him, you have to pay first you know, oh and sign your name and level as well" the lady handed the girl a clipboard and pen.

"mmkay" Hikari agreed.

_Sai, do you wanna play? _

_You haven't had a chance to play lately Hikari, I would like to watch you so I can confirm that your skills have not rusted. _

_Go on Sai play, I get to play any time I want with you, sides I don't really want to play. _

_And you playing someone else will give us a better measure of your skill so we know what you need to brush up on, and besides, I want to see how you're end game turns out._

_Do that later Sai, I haven't been able to let you play since I had to revise for the exams_

_Oh fine _

Quickly she wrote down

**Fujiwara Hikaru **

**Level: Kage**

Sai glared at her "you just wanted to write a false name down!" he accused "And are you sure Kage is a level?"

'

Hikari quickly stuck her tongue out at him "_It's thrilling! I'm like a spy or a secret agent or something! I'm pretty sure Kage isn't a level but if it was like Naruto you'd definitely be a Kage!" _

Sai sighed fondly

"Now come on! I wanna play soccer soon!" she urged.

She ran into the direction of the boy around her age and stared. He had hair as long as hers, almost touching his shoulders, but unlike hers it wasn't messed up by a cap but instead was completely straight and shiny. He had bright green eyes, coloured forest green. He was cute. Pretty boy cute anyways. He'd probably be the type Akari would fawn over.

"Hiya!" she greeted

He stood up from where he sat, and from the corner of her eyes, she could see Sai nodding, approving of the boy's actions. "Hello" the boy smiled "would you like to play a game?"

"Sure, my name's Hikaru!"

"Akira" the boy sat back down "so how many stones would you like to lay down first?"

"W-what?!" Hikari spluttered "You think you can give me an advantage?!" Hikari almost yelled "get to it boy" she growled "I'll show you not to underestimate me!"

_Sai obliterate him! _

Sai narrowed his eyes at Akira "now now" he placated "don't be so eager to rush, you know what that can do to your heart"

_If I can play soccer with this heart I can sure as hell be angry!_

The boy blushed in embarrassment "I- I didn't mean it like that" he protested.

"So you don't think you're better than me?" She narrowed her eyes at the flustered boy who refused to meet her eyes "I knew it!" She growled "Make your move boya" she sneered "to look down on your opponent before battle- how presumptuous!"

Akira flinched feeling guiltier than he should've felt- he was only telling the truth- but the girl was right, his father would've been disappointed in him had he known.

They both bowed- Akira was to go first.

Hikari watched the battle unfold as her fingers twitched. The boy was better than she thought; he played meticulously, cleanly and quite deadly.

However, Sai was ruthless.

Hikari watched as Akira realised he was fighting a higher opponent, it didn't take him long to realise it, and Hikari approved. With a quick change in tactics, the boy finally decided to take this much more seriously but Hikari knew no matter how early it was in the game, the outcome was already decided- the boy would lose no matter how good he was.

Nevertheless, Akira's strength fascinated her. Perhaps he could give her a challenge, she was starting to regret letting Sai fight. She watched as Akira tried to defend his falling territory in the top left but Sai had already laid several counters around it and soon it began to fall apart. She watched as Akira desperately tried to attack and claim lost land but was destroyed by Sai. She watched as the face of disbelief painted his face at having foreseen his defeat.

"I lost" they both bowed to each other, and she watched as the boy seemed stuck in the position his shoulders shaking.

"Hey look, thanks for the game, but I gotta go" Hikari said- she wanted to play him, really she did, but she wanted to play soccer right now, who knew when she'd be able to in the future, if at all.

As she headed towards the door, the boy suddenly jumped up with a fierce look in his eyes "WAIT!" he yelled "DON'T GO!" he ran after her but Hikari was faster and she dashed away slamming the door behind her which Akira crashed into.

Hikari ran away from the crazy Go-playing kid laughing "geez what was with that kid!"

Sai chuckled behind his fan "that was very rude Hikari-chan" he admonished "I would've thought you'd want to play him though"

Hikari paused before shaking her head "Nah" she dismissed "I wanna play soccer"

Hikari was currently in 6th grade, already after only playing soccer for a little more than a year she was accepted into the junior league for the boys team of all places. She switched from playing for the boy's team and the girl's team as long as the dates of the matches didn't crash, which of course their club manager did his damndest to do; if Hikari was on their team they were sure to win. Ever since her acceptance she'd been winning trophies left and right, her grandparents couldn't be prouder. However, Hikari didn't care for any of that, she was short on time, she needed to play and play and play, because she didn't know when she'd be able to play again.

When Hikari played soccer, she was defying everything ever said about her. She wasn't weak, she wasn't fragile, she could jump and laugh and play without getting hurt. She could be free.

"Be careful" Sai fluttered over her worriedly as they sighted the soccer field where their teammates were playing.

Hikari only grinned as she took off her shoes and put on her football boots and ran to the field.

Everything was going alright, it was all fine. Hikari was racing and roaring as she played alongside and with guys near and around her age, sure she took a tumble every now and then when she got tackled but she always got back up with a laugh.

That's when Sai got worried, after her third fall Sai could see her smile straining. Sai flew over to the field calling out to her "Hikari! DOES YOUR HEART HURT!" he shouted, but Hikari ignored him.

Soon enough Sai could spot Hikari wheezing, her breath becoming more erratic as a coughing fit started dangerously.

"HIKARI" he screamed "SOMEONE HELP!" he flew to her side hovering above her.

"Hikari?" one of the boys paused the game, the boy was on the verge of panic as he stared at the suffering girl who was fine just the other minute "Coach!" he didn't look away "COACH!" he yelled as all the other boys stopped playing when Hikari threw herself to the floor clutching her chest and coughing hoarsely.

"COACH! CALL THE AMBULANCE!" the boy ran to the middle aged buff man who already had his phone out "what's wrong with Hikari?!" his frantic voice questioned.

"They said she would be fine" The man muttered helplessly as he rushed to the flailing girl trying to get her to a comfortable position "come on come on" he urged the phone as he used a towel to wipe the sweat off the poor girl "pick up dammit!" he cursed as Hikari went into another bout of coughs.

"Hello?" he spoke into the phone "could we get an ambulance please, uuh" what do people say in these situations?! "Shindou Hikari is experiencing a reappearance of her heart problems, she's currently on the floor and coughing badly, hurry!" he nearly screamed as he watched the young girl seemingly choke on herself and on the verge of tears.

Sai's eyebrows furrowed in desperate concern as he feebly kneeled next to her.

"Come on Kari" he whispered "please make it" he begged. His heart pained as he felt weak, this transparent body was useless!

Everything passed by in a rush of emergency.

He stayed next to her all throughout cursing his ghostly form; if only he was reborn as a real human he'd be able to help her right? He wouldn't have to cause her all this pain. But then, would he have met her otherwise?

Please make it.

Being aware was not worth it if it meant being helpless when Hikari was hurting.

Three days later Hikari woke up.

"Kari-chan" Her grandad called "I've got good news!" he smiled weakly as he spotted her dim eyes staring out the window from her hospital bed.

When she didn't answer he went ahead and continued to talk "Kaio has decided to accept you!" he tried "they said your history, classical literature and Japanese were some of the best marks they'd seen in years!"

"I can't go" Hikari muttered.

Heihachi's smile strained "Of course you can! You just have to try and get better again!"

"I'll never get better!" she screamed before she started coughing. Heihachi immediately stood up and patted her back reassuringly.

The girl sobbed chokingly "I hate this!" she cried "I hate being stuck here, I was finally anywhere but here and now I'm back" she glanced at the frighteningly white walls that seemed to close in on her "I don't want to be here!" she clutched on the elderly like a lifeline "I don't want to be sick anymore" she whispered hoarsely.

Heihachi held the tears back, it was bad enough she was crying it would be worse if he was crying in front of her too.

"I'm so sorry"

Sai watched the family as they supported each other's crumbling walls. He wondered if there was anything he could do.

Sai had stayed with the small family for two years now, at first he was frightened when as soon as he appeared he saw a small child about to die with several adults using strange contraptions to try and heal her (he later learned they were called machines). When the girl- and eventually he did find out the short haired child was a girl- was healed and could talk she asked about him so Sai obliged, telling the girl his story and pleading her to let him play.

The girl was indifferent at first, like she couldn't care less. She had a laptop- a thin box shaped other contraptions that helps people in many ways- in her room which she used to go on a site that let him face other skilled players in his beloved Go.

2 months in and the girl was playing in his stead every day.

Although it turned out well for him, he could see how incredibly bored the girl was and it stung since,_ why in the world would you be bored when playing Go?_

He'd asked her once if she'd liked for him to teach her, she denied of course, saying that she'd rather not. So instead he'd tutored her, sure the girl had other tutors that came in a couple of days a week, but he would go beyond that and encourage her.

After 4 additional months, for the first time in years- as the girl had told him-, Hikari was allowed to be outside, that was when she took up soccer.

He begged her not to, to rethink it, but the girl was stubborn- like him in some ways- and eventually she had her way.

When it had been half a year since she started playing she broke her leg and had to stay in the hospital. Sai asked her if she wanted to learn again and this time she said "sure why not?"

It was that day that Sai regretted not forcing the girl sooner. A diamond in the rough.

She was a little impatient (okay a lot) but she was raw so he knew that would only be a small weakness to take care of. Hikari had talent for sure, her unorthodox solutions and on the spot planning and with a growing ability to read ahead- Sai knew he had to encourage this.

Unfortunately, when Hikari's leg was fully healed she stopped playing Go with him, though she still let him play on the internet every day. Hikari claimed it was because she loved soccer more but Sai couldn't understand- wouldn't- _how could you love such a distasteful sport more than Go?_

Instead, Sai watched, hands clenching at the thought of such an unexplored talent being wasted. But, Sai let her have her fun, it was only a phase right? Besides she would indulge him once in a while and let him play shidougo with her, so as long as she still had some form of interest, it would be fine, right?

Now, Sai wasn't so sure. He'd been watching, as quietly as his distress could make him, the girl he knew to be so strong look so _weak_. He hated the part of him that was glad, so damn relieved that she had another reaction, because this way, she wouldn't be continuing playing soccer anymore. He hated that the majority of his gladness was due to the fact that the end result of her incident could lead to her spending more time playing Go than anything else.

Sai knew that was selfish, knew it was despicable to be happy as the one who opened the door to Go for him suffered. But he couldn't help it, it was Go. And soon, maybe Hikari would understand how much better Go was.

"Hikari?" Sai called out into the silence that Heihachi had left behind in his wake "do you want to play Go?"

Hikari sighed looking at the Go board next to the Hospital bed "sure why not"

And Sai smiled.


	3. Drifting

Chapter 2

**Drifting**

As a child- which he still is- Akira had grown up surrounded by black and white and multiple lines. He had a father who had taught up from day 1 about this game called Go. Akira was a curious child and eventually he became curious about the game. Now, as a boy heading into teenaged years he wonders when it was that Go became his world, his everything.

He was good at the game too; many people called him a prodigy. A talented child who would lead the future generation. Of course, as reluctant as he was to admit it, he did get a rise in his ego when other people said this, it made him feel good about himself (it didn't make him sad), and besides, it wasn't like kids his age did anything to show him differently (they shunned him for playing Go and shunned him for being better at it than them)- they were all very immature (he couldn't understand them), and to be honest he couldn't really understand why (he was too different). So Akira went on with life, indifferent of people his age and only looking towards the future, he was a little lonely (so very lonely), a bit apathetic (lost), but he had his father and mother who encouraged him, and various teachers of his beloved Go. He was fine (He was lifeless).

And then this… this boy (this blinding boy)! This boy barges through the doors of his father's Go Salon with messy blonde hair (like the sun) tucked into a bright red beanie acting insulted when all Akira did was what the adults had advised him to offer every time he met an opponent his own age.

The boy wore melded green army shorts and a no sleeved turtleneck top over a long sleeved black shirt coupled with bright yellow designed trainers and a soccer bag slung over his small shoulders.

The boy's name, he learned, was Fujiwara Hikaru (Light of the Wisteria Plains). Fujiwara-san then exclaimed rather loudly that he, Touya Akira should be ashamed- or at least he implied it- and that he would beat him, him Touya Akira who had been trained by THE Meijin since he was 2 (he knew the tricks of the trade, the boy didn't even look like he had touched a stone in his life, his hands were positioned like a newbie). How could this boy who seemed to belong in a soccer field rather than in front of a Go board, beat a trained skill?

Obviously, things didn't really work out as planned and soon Akira was ashamed to say that his father would've been disappointed in him. His father told him multiple times not to underestimate anyone.

Akira learned a valuable lesson that day; calm down before you run into the door (that boy did it on purpose!).

He didn't know why exactly he reacted that way (he made him feel alive), there were too many variables to consider, maybe it was because he was soundlessly beaten by an unknown, or that he was soundlessly beaten by a kid his own age, or that he was beaten by a boy who was a soccer player by appearance and nature? Or maybe it was because he was soundlessly beaten by a kid who was a soccer player that was basically an unknown (he had finally found him!)?!

Akira nearly screamed when, when he had asked around to the people at the salon, students at his house, the people at the Go association, that no Akira-san, we have not heard of an extremely capable Go player your age with blonde hair and plays soccer!

That kid had lied to him(why!?)! Because obviously, no-one had heard of Fujiwara Hikaru (He wasn't a ghost- he couldn't be!)!

He kept his composure anyways- his father would be even more disappointed had he not done so- and nodded politely as they silently questioned why he had asked in the first place.

Presently Akira was in his room replaying the game that that boy had left him pondering over. It was skillful, deadly, beautiful playing from someone like him, and Akira would do anything to find out who it was (to feel alive again).

* * *

"So…" Hikari drawled "that's all the rules huh?" she stared blankly onto a page of a green leather bound book with very tiny writing.

Sai nodded eagerly "yes yes, though it seems that there have been new rules added during the time I have been gone" he nodded his head assuringly "this is expected I believe, time changes many things"

Hikari's face scrunched as she held the book away from her "maybe I shouldn't play Go"

Sai's face went gobsmacked. "HIKARI!" he cried "Y-YOU YOU PROMISED!" he pouted his puppy dog eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

Hikari puffed up her cheeks frowning reluctantly at the book "but there are too many words!"

"But Hikari!" Sai countered "you've read the Tale of Genji and it had lots of words on it!"

"I know" she whispered "but I only read it because it was based in _your _time period" she said softly forcibly looking away so that he didn't spot the clear redness of her cheeks.

Sai went silent, not knowing what to say.

Sai smiled "thank you"

"hmph. What's you need to thank me for?" she mumbled digging the rule book out from her covers and reading it- her face was still red.

"Can we play yet?" she groaned half an hour later "I knew the rules beforehand, why do I need to read it again?"

"You need to get intimate with the rules before you play seriously" he smiled "but I guess we can play now"

It was a good game, Sai mused, Hikari had not rusted even if it had been a while since she played, her play was solid and it seemed that she was already about to create her own style, he was very surprised when he noticed that the hand he had thought was one of her beginner mistakes turned out to be an elaborate plot. Still, the game ended with slaughter, the young girl was still a little egg, but she was cracking.

In the beginning, Hikari aimed to copy his style, Sai was taken aback when during their first game together Hikari had begun placing moves he would make, but he realised it was a subconscious adaptation after watching him play for months beforehand, it would be obvious she would adopt a style she remembered off by heart.

Sai didn't say anything, he was interested in how Hikari would play him, and was excited to play her to see how she improved upon 'Sai's' Go.

Sai was happy to see her play as him with little trouble, Hikari definitely had good sense. What he was even more happy to see was that now, Hikari, of her own accord, stopped trying to emulate Sai and was instead playing as herself! She could see the egg of her new style beginning to crack after 3 months already.

Since that day in the hospital, Sai had Hikari read all the books on Go that her grandfather offered her, and had her read Go rulebook and history every fortnight to refresh her brain. It was a long going process interrupted by her various tutors and assignments and the casual visits from her grandparents but it was going.

* * *

At Sai's insistence and her own depression, Hikari took up Go. She could've taken up anything really; art, reading, chess, cooking… knitting even- which surely had a high chance of happening since the old lady across her room often found her in the lobby when she got bored of being in her room and would then proceed to simultaneously knit while telling her stories of her past. In the end though, Hikari took up Go.

It was a strange game, a really strange game. She had many interpretations of the game; the back of her mind screamed war, the left side saw the universe and the right side created a world. In fact Sai saw the universe too, he probably influenced her left…Hikari didn't know which to believe because, for now, Hikari just played. She had gotten used to letting Left to guide her moves until Right started speaking up and Back- Back sounds weird, South sounds better… and South started craving blood.

Right became East, and Left became West. These were the positions of her mind. North had fallen after her soccer phase had run dry, North was the forefront of her mind that had clung to sports in general and shaped her to be the person she was. With her inability to do what North had grown upon, North fell and was slowly being healed and reshaped under the guide of the other compasses.

East had been borne when Sai first came about and begged her to let him play Go. West was only a newborn, but West was growing.

But South…South had always been there. South was always at the back of her mind growing ever since she first felt trapped inside the four white walls. South had been keeping quiet since North had eased South's growing rage. Now that North was gone South became louder.

East had tried to help, took charge where North had left off and encouraged Hikari to try something new, and now, they were all taking it out on Go.

**AN: Sorry about the late and short update... It kind of took a strange turn near the end... At least it's original? I dunno what happened... I'm sincerely happy that people really felt that way about my story, thank you for all those reviews, they make me so darn happy. If I didn't say this before I'll say it now, my updates are sporadic so please don't be too mad if they take months, I'm seriously busy this year and the next, you'll probably see updates during the holidays though :)**

**Happy Easter~ **

**Hitomi Feito **


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